My take on the christian bible

Right, as if the bible, rewritten by someone some Brits call "Queen James" with the help of Shakespear, look him up and what he did with Psalms, and does the New Testament not contradict the Old Testament of a never changing and perfect God? Oh and rule of thumb, club your kids like baby harbour seals if they work on sunday, and first it's stone the harlets and then Jesus says, naw, that just won't do, let's do lunch, I love the outfit, who does your hair? Btw, I'm called King of the Jews, know why? Cuz I'll crown ya and then dethrone you and disrobe you with a special laying on of the hands. Please, have somw more wine, it brings out the color in your cheeks. I have this thing called the suckrament where you can partake of my flesh, hey, ouch that hurts, don't pierce the flesh of the lamb! What are you roman or something? Jesus, oops, that'd be me. Damn, good thing I can raise the dead, imagine what that does for my love life!