One more thing before I get some sleep

When I went out on the deck I heard a male voice come in through the kitchen door attached to the garage...he spoke to my fam and they talked back. Voice was familiar and obviously a neighbor so you mormon fags are fucking with me and too big of pussies to face me in front of police or anyone. How about this. If you're such men, meet me tomorrow. I get a baseball bat, you get nothing. Sounds fair since you bastards gang up on me. If you're such men, let's see you win me that way. Even if you do I'm pressing charges. At this point any age, step up. I need some batting practice.

Mormons/Christianity in General/Psychology/Psychiatry

I have to say these people are just as bad as murderers and rapists even if they don't do that literally. Killing the human spirit and raping the human soul, as well as the countless lives they ruin or change when they were doing just fine. Simply being alive and doing alright or even being somewhat successful is no excuse to have meddled with their lives. There's no way of knowing the good they'd have done or lives they would have positively changed if these people had not interfered or changed them or ruined their lives. Examples of websites talking about this:

http://www.nevadaappeal.com/article/20091117/NEWS/911179995/-1/rss02
http://www.mormonabuse.com
http://www.skeptictank.org/mormnut2.htm
http://en.fairmormon.org/Book_of_Mormon/Lamanites/Curse
http://en.fairmormon.org/Temples/Endowment/Oath_of_vengeance
http://www.exmormon.org/bloodatn.htm

http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Psychiatry-Electroshock-Biochemical-Theories/dp/0312113668/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265767860&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Under-Banner-Heaven-Story-Violent/dp/1400032806/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265767921&sr=1-1

I've been talking about these slimebags on twitter: http://www.twitter.com/denebola

Now to talk to people about jobs, selling my car and more before these creeps do me in with stress or worse.

Fresh Air

I have to say I find the air in my house suffocating, if not noxious. I could go way out there and say some gases have metals, or metal like properties, or even toxic but truthfully whatever the properties, the effects both in sensory and health are enough to say being indoors a lot like this is not doing me well, and my family knows this and takes advantage of it. It doesn't matter if they would say get out more in the past because that always changes. It'd then be you're always out and never home or you shouldn't just spend time with friends, you should spend time with family/church. There's always some B.S. excuse and it was meant to keep me home. There is what appears to be a mold growing in my room, on the floor and also in the window, but of course my mother does not care in the least bit. I'm no expert and it can even be an allergy combined with things like stress, emotional abuse and the quality of the food in my home, most of which is from Deseret (mormon crap food for welfare). Plenty of combinations of this environment to make me sick, the stress and abuse alone being sufficient to cause my poor health, and "poor mood" which is another stupid catch phrase for "he's unhappy about being abused, let's give him shit about it." That's what it boils down to even if the individual is only in the habit of that phrase and didn't mean that by it. It's still like saying rule of thumb to a woman that knows the origin of that saying. Even if not meant in a bad away and the man is truly a man that treats women with respect and respects them, that's a rather upsetting thing to hear. I don't go out as much since people threaten and harass me. I hate them as much as they hate me at this point. They're scumbags especially mormons. My mother helps with that, harassing me at home, getting her friends to harass me out and about, and so do neighbors. I don't know if they were serious about going out with some of their daughters, and I don't care. Not all of them likes me that way, thank goodness. Some though were offended that I didn't want to attend singles wards, nor took interest in their shitty religion. Rejecting their religion alone is enough to set off a mormon, and even if not serious about going out with their daughters or finding you a mate, the mere rejection must be quite an insult to people who think you should bow down to them "when in their own state." These morons are all about ritual, ceremony and status which is why they have temples and priesthoods and callings etc. They're pompous asses. At least many other institutions have reason for ceremony, such as the military. Even though war is sometimes wrong I have to say in cases of the USA I don't think it's that wrong that often, other than maybe with the slaughter of Native Americans. Too bad the extermination order by Governor Boggs was not carried out, or I'd not be in this fine mess. I say that since I've gotten a lot of shit for reporting them to http://www.mormonabuse.com and it's not just from family but from other mormons. They are all complete shit. It's plain and simple. When they help one group they're also bending over another, whether literally or in other ways. They'll mistreat you to the point you do rebel and if you drink or say anything " bad about their church" they use it as an excuse. Whether or not they truly believe in their church might be up for grabs but they are opportunistic, creepy and bullies. They'll use your own family against you and any other resources not limited to church but in Utah things like college counselor's, Weber Human Services, and get people to pretend to be your friend, or trick or manipulate you into breaking up with friends, girlfriends, colleagues etc., since divide and conquer seems to be one tactic they use. They are both brutal and dishonest and also fanatical when it suits them or simply because they are. I disown all of my family since they're all complete shit, especially my own mother. She's the worst one out of my whole entire family. Next is my father, and all my siblings. They're pretty much equal in their creepiness. Of course next and also equal to all of them including my mother are the mormons. Some even may surpass her a bit but don't count on it. Definitely on the same level though. I'm typing this outside where I can get some fresh air since the air inside is noxious and suffocating and not just because my mother and sister give me a ton of grief. They always try to put the blame on others including me but it's all them which is why as of now I officially disownn them and I'm out of here as soon as I can. I want to see nor hear a single thing about them and I WILL get a restraining order against all of them, including the whole mormon church if I can muster that, or at least my neighbors and their friends/family. I also hope and even pray they all burn in hell forever, including their damn church. I don't mean a fun hell either, more like the old testament kind that leaves them crispy around the edges. You know I feel a lot better outside. It's as if there isn't enough oxygen in that house. I'll have to remember that but my memory is pretty bad when I'm inside that house so I'll be sure to write it down, even on a piece of paper in case my netbook is hacked again. There's much to be said about camping and being in the outdoors truthfully. Man started out in the outdoors and leaving it is a bad idea. I could not stay only in a big city. I think maybe that's part of why there's crime and things like that. You do need nature and not just for hiking, camping and taking photos. This area is not exactly a national park but it's pretty close to the mountains and this area isn't close to any huge factories or anything like that. Anyway, I need sleep and food. That means going back into the den of adders or whatever that saying is. Fuck off mormons and your religion.

Finish of twitter post on http://twitter.com/denebola

Was going to add this to my twitter: Stupid thing said I am over limit: and weakness in a man or woman leaves them without confidence, and less able to defend both verbally, emotionally and physically. And not only that but the virgor and quickness and ability for the emotions/brain to recover from abuse is more difficult when you're not strong physically. It makes it so people can manipulate you easier, shape you and break you. People are smart, they can condition you to reach like you are crazy when you are not. It's pretty sad and creepy. So much for modern and ethical religion/human beings.

Just venting and frustrated - court date today

"Kerosene" lyrics


"Kerosene"

I'm waitin' on the sun to set cause yesterday aint over yet
I started smoking cigarettes there's nothing else to do I guess
Dusty roads aint made for walking, spinning tires aint made for stoppin'
I'm giving up on love cause love's given up on me

I gave it everything I had and everything I got was bad
Life aint hard but it's too long to live it like some country song
Trade the truth in for a lie, cheating really aint a crime
I'm giving up on love cause love's given up on me

Forget your high society, I'm soakin' it in Kerosene
Light 'em up and watch them burn, teach them what they need to learn HA!
Dirty hands aint made for shakin', aint a rule that aint worth breakin'
Well I'm giving up on love cause love's given up on me

Now I don't hate the one who left
You can't hate someone who's dead
He's out there holding on to someone, I'm holding up my smoking gun
I'll find somewhere to lay my blame the day she changes her last name
Well I'm giving up on love cause love's given up on me
Well I'm giving up on love HEY love's given up on me



[Thanks to kido1134@msn.com, tlynn_2006@sbcglobal.net, riss86@yahoo.com for correcting these lyrics]



I think of different lyrics when I hear this song. I've given up on god cuz god's given up on me, and they took everything I had, and everything I got was bad, life ain't hard but it's too long to live like some bible psalm, trade your love for a lie, raping really ain't a crime, forget your white society I'm soaking it in kerosene, light em up watch em burn teach them what they need to learn, dirty hands ain't made for shaking, ain't a rule that ain't worth breakin, I don' hate the right or left, can't hate someone who is deaf, you're out there thinking this is fun when really it's a smoking gun, you look for someone else to blame, but it's all done in your name, well I am giving up on god cuz god's given up on me...

Put together in a hurry, my mind is occupied with other things.

Pass National Health Care

Let's face it our system is broken. It's not just about money spent or how people will go bankrupt, people are going that route anyway and so is our government. The current administration won't be there past this term possibly and even if re-elected the limit is two terms. The truth is that people get turned away from health care because of status/income. I've read of people being neglected in emergency rooms or even turned away when their injuries are life threatening. I've read of single mothers with children not getting treatment for things like cancer and heart disease and more, and some end up dying and leave children behind to be snatched up by the system. Medicare and Medicaid are broken and antiquated and never really designed to help but to keep people in a loop, a system that won't let them out. It's like the melting pot, leave your soul at the door and let us help you. In reality, decent doctors tend to accept better insurance and those two programs or lack of insurance close many doors to proper treatment from professionals who actually care or have the skills to treat what ails you. This does affect other things such as jobs, economy, etc., but the immediate effects are your health or your life. Republicans like to say programs like these are socialist and government pork barrel projects and hand outs but go and spend money on business, military and more and call it something else. Social programs were started by Teddy Roosevelt, a republican. With this everyone benefits just just special interests for either side, Democrats included. Republicans call for tax cuts because "America deserves better" but truthfully you get what you pay for and to do anything at all today it takes money. Getting a $300 did nothing for me where a health care plan would. Minorities suffer most since they have the least income but people benefit go up to the top. Business and the upper middle class complain that their taxes are used to help people who don't contribute or programs that don't benefit them. Well, this is trickle up economics. A large burden is caused by lower class but not by their own fault. Lack of medical care will create problems that are passed on by birth. It takes an education and good emotional health. This takes medical and then people are healthier/happier and more able to get their education or work. You don't need a degree to contribute to society, but an education will make anyone more aware of the issues with drugs, crime, family, budgeting, voting etc. Don't complain about problems of others if you aren't willing to help when they fall in a hole they didn't make. This plan also has private insurance options for those that prefer that, and it works well in Europe. I've know people fro there that say it works well.


Granted there's more to it but it's a good idea....our present system neglects people and insurance companies are greedy and turn down things they shouldn't whether private or government like medicaid or medicare. So how about we fix it rather than arguing political bullshit?

My viewpoint on religion

Much of the point of Atheism or Science or Freedom of Religion (meaning a right to choose) is the right to live your own life, question, and learn as per intelligence not just "faith." Faith without evidence means believing a lie. Period. Faith can be used in certain contexts like "I have faith my friend/family/spouse won't let me down." That's different than "I have faith in a religion/God that no one can prove exists, and I preach it to others/Ram it down their throats in spite of atrocities committed in his name and in the name of religion." Even if evolution is wrong, it's scientific method. Science is trial and error. How long did it take to actually figure out and write down accurately how gravity works? Same thing. Just because before then nobody had a clue does that mean science is always wrong and should be banned/impeded? Where do you think the Internet came from? That's science not some Priest/Rabbi/Mormon/Anyone praying it into existence. Even if I'm wrong about a god, if he's so cruel and sadistic and dishonest to believe I deserve hell for not being able to figure out that down here while I'm busy trying to survive no less enjoy what little life is given me, then his heaven is creepy. I see him as the one with the pitch fork and spitting flames or whatever. The issue I have with religion and religious people is they claim to speak for him. I know they teach you to say that until you regurgitate it without thinking twice, I was born and raised mormon, they teach some weird shit and historically aren't even true christians. At least the catholics can trace that via archaeology. Anyway, if god thought it was important he'd tell me himself. I'm not mocking either, but if he knows our very thoughts and hearts second by second then why doesn't he come down to lend me a hand? It's not that'd I'd question a supreme being. Obviously I have enough of a grasp on reality that I don't try to stop a moving bus with my hand as it hurdles down the road at 50mph. I do question people however. I know people all too well and a lot of the time they are completely full of it, including professionals in many fields, not just science. Skepticism also means questioning that science book and not just assuming it's correct considering we used to get doctors touting the benefits of cocaine for everything from the common cold to low energy for housewives and even kids. I see people all around me saying this and that.... so based on that alone why doesn't god rescue me? If my "soul" is in peril with so many religions asking for my attention you'd think he'd care if I suffer for an eternity based on a decision on who I run to for protection. That's what it amounts to. Safety in numbers but at the same time I have a conscience even without people teaching ethics. Call it survival or call it compassion it's many things, not just for others but I know if I don't surround myself with people who are also compassionate and honest then I'm dead too when the crap hits the fan, and I don't want to do that to someone either. I could quite easily, it's so easy these days to screw someone over in the name of religion or politics or anything really. Religion tries to impede science and I don't know how that got started since Galileo is supposed to be recognized by the Catholic church as the guy who spelled it out basically. At least on Religulus the Catholic astronomer led me to believe so. For example, mormons don't believe in Evolution only based on faith. They also add the little side note that if Evolution is wrong, then all science is wrong and only "wisdom of man while god's wisdom is eternally truthful." Yeah, that's what Jim Jones said. Science is always wrong sometimes as is man and religion because life is triall and error. If it weren't, even the bible would be pointless. If we don't learn by trial and error then why pray or repent? Why this "test" to see if we're good or bad? Obviously trial and error is how we learn since we're not born knowing everything. Even the Pope, no offense, doesn't know everything. I'm sure he prays and stuff so he must believe that as well. I have to say I'm pretty passionate about this having suffered much abuse in the name of religion and the majority of it from mormons but even a few of their baptist friends too. I'm not sure why, I was a gifted kid in grade school and jr high and that didn't set well with people since I'm half mexican and I am a mix of races people tend to hate from Spaniard to British to French and Danish to name the ones I know about. I was a science geek from the get go, and honestly was not able to realize my dream to be a marine biologist because of religious abuse. I seem to fail at everything else but science, and the ocean is one thing I'd like to see before I pass on from who knows what. These days you never know when you'll go. Besides, I'd actually like to live forever if Ray Kurzweil is even remotely right but that's another story. I'm going off the subject as usual. You know even prayer in school doesn't bother me, I want no decision making in other's lives, I'm busy with my own on top of I want others to stay out of mine. I would be bothered if they stood on a chair and yelled out with outstretched arms but if they bow their heads or say it softly, hey, that's none of my business. It's a scary world, people turn to what they need sometimes but the thing that bothers me is organized religion, the big tank that towers down and tries to push that on me. Individuals are usually ok, but get a group of people and they get bolder and do more harm. I admit I have no idea if there's a god but I do admit I fear death not because I'm some sinner but because my life here was not good, and I had hopes for a life that was happy and fun and safe. That and there are people I care about and I'll never see them again if I die and there's nothing or if there's some weird hell thing how is that decided? Since things don't make sense here will they if there's an afterlife? God doesn't bother setting things straight if he exists so either way I think I'd be toast as they say. Even if I were to go to some "heaven" what if my friends don't based on some technicality? You know with string theory talking about multiple dimensions and alternate realities it makes me wonder what the hell is going on and it concerns me not just for my welfare but for others and not just for selfless reasons. Everyone needs backup, everyone needs safety in numbers.

Design for New Jail can be applied to other buildings, even ocean going vessels

1. Self sustaining garden
2. terranium design
3. Green/Solar/geothermal energy - recycle heat etc like hybrid car - store in capacitors or batteries etc.
4. internet stations behind plexiglass - can do school/work at home jobs/read/research/contact

lawyers/bail.
5. More advanced exercise/rec - emphasize stretching/nutrition/breathing etc.
6. better food ingredients - prepackaged food without preservatives - categorized for maximum nutrition.
7. cooking/money management/time management/goal management/stress management classes
8. community involvement - certification required - plus review. request funding via donations and have fund raisers showing benefits.
9. Design with asthetics - feng shui - affects mood/health/energy
10. rehab comes from teaching to change oneself - punishment only teaches pain, anger and resentment.
11. ventilation - better ventilation and air filtration
12. add vitamins that are not toxic/with impurities such as lead, arsenic, carsinogens etc, use something like Kurzweil vitamins.
13. sports program, video games(simulations), tai chi
14. foods that are good for brain. Brain is fatty tissue so BBQ, fish, etc. Also better heating and head coverings. Body heat, health of brain, body temp affect overall health. 60-70% of body heat lost through head.
15. Something to do for guards other than stress over prisoners or sit at terminals - 90% of law enforcement involves boredom/stress and then there's paperwork. This leads to burn out, indifference, agitation, grumpiness, inappropriate rule breaking etc.
16. nap pods - music like blue mars, nature sounds, static with covering in sound proof booth over eyes, and comfortable for 15-45 minute power naps. Helps health, energy and thinking and performance.
17. Find ways to improve multitasking/planning - via nutrition, brain training/exercise and education and physical exercise.
18. Don't use labels especially for "mental health." - this leads to depression, loss of hope etc. Plan for ways to get off meds, like getting someone off welfare. Meds are not brain surgery and temporary solution at best. Therapy is most important and you must talk to prisoner not at them. Depend a lot on them for feedback and solutions. Meds have side effects because toxins are used to get past blood brain barrier but alcohol gets past it no problem with fun side effects. Design meds with molecule of alcohol or similar ingredients without intoxicating effect rather than side effects that are worse than the "disease."
19. perception is part of awareness. Involve fun in therapy and not in dumb or humiliating way. Fun is how animals in the wild learn and healthy for adults too, especially self aware and adults with cognitive and memory capabilities of humans, even "slow" or "retarded" people.
20. rules should be made to be broken or be flexible. Should not include rules that go against basic human nature.
21. Connect to community via workforce services, volunteer work, colleges, universities, secular charities etc. Let them have access to religious charities by request.
22. Make computer system hacker resistent - design firewall for power grid. I once tested internet sharing that worked via power outlets - maybe how chinese/russians got past power grids in usa - will protect television from being hacked if it comes down to it, plus server, heating, etc.
23. Teas that calm/soothe and have antioxidents
24. food that detoxes body
25. EMF - electromagnetic frequency/radiation - old days CRT monitors put this out lots. Don't use flourescent lights, use Light Emitting diodes. We're bio-electrical this screws us up. Use shielding for power lines in walls etc and television, heating. Redundant systems, and bomb shelter.
26. Congigal visits. Per webmd.com sex is healthy it improves your cardiovascular system, eyesight, hair health, skin health, mental and emotional health and even spiritual. Will improve moods, have less fights, etc. Will also improve sleep, ease tension between guards, inmates, and of course you'll make sure guards are getting that too, at least at home/off work hours. They're human and have needs which are instinctual for health/bonding/procreation/pleasure.

I designed most of this while in jail - went kookie from bad food, conditions, lack of access to lawyer, bail, family, money sent to me, and I checked out reading material that wasn't keeping my attention.