Marriage And Wedding Rings

Is marriage a fine institution you're not crazy enough to be committed to? Do you think of wedding rings as the world's smallest handcuffs? Does food enter your mind when someone talks about marriage? You know, as in marriage is like a cafeteria, you look over the selections carefully, pick what you like best, and pay later. Well, join the club but not if you're just a cynic, or hate women/men, and not because I'm judgmental but because I don't like negativity. You see, love is a precious wonderful thing. There's too little of it in this world, at least in my world. It might have to do with me living on planet utardia, but I'm a sensitive guy in spite of what you might think, or the fact I shoot my mouth off more than militias shoot Obama posters in the woods. I don't want to get divorced. I'm not a possessive, pessimistic, control freak that just can't let go. I always let go, even if I don't forget. In utah especially, I see a really high divorce rate, and it's all over. Is marriage just a receipt? It seemed like a contract but you know, I've signed one too many contracts and quite frankly was never satisfied with the results. I truly want love to be forever, and I may not act like it sometimes, I may not talk like it sometimes, but I believe with faith in yourself and your partner, love is all you need. Don't take that literally, love won't get you a job, or pay your bills, or do your math homework. But, love will make a marriage last forever. You have to think outside the box perhaps to know what I mean. You see, yeah, people divorce when married. You don't have to be a genius to know the leading cause of divorce is marriage. Do people divorce without it? Seriously though, if it takes a piece of paper and an expensive ring, a $20,000 wedding to prove you love each other for two or three years, hell, I'll go to Reno, Nevada and get more emotional fulfilment from a prostitute (not a put down either) for oh I dunno what the rate is. I heard around $1000? Lots of money saved, doesn't last as long, but doesn't cost as much heartache or money in the end. That's just a silly comparison but you know, I knew a hippy gal, she had a boyfriend, kids, would never marry because her friends around her divorced more than movie stars, and they were happy last I heard. Well, even if they aren't, is marriage working? I doubt they had to worry about a horrid divorce even if they split up. Besides, you don't need a "certificate" to remind you to love your wife and kids, be responsible, not cheat on her, not become an alcoholic prick that only watches sports and hangs out with his friends at bars while your wife is at home wondering why the hell she married such an asshole. In fact, pretty much everyone, even yes men, tend to want to do the opposite of what you tell them. Think about it. If I came up to people in, say, a bookstore, and told them hey, buy that book over there! Well, they'd probably buy the book they were buying anyhow, with buying your book even furthest from their mind. So, what does a certificate do? Nothing, but for some, if you tell them to buy a book they already were going to buy enough times, or in a certain fashion, they won't buy it. That's also what a marriage certificate ends up doing. Of course not everyone goes through that, and there are absolutely no absolutes as they say. I COULD be talked into marriage in fact, love is more than an aphrodesiac, it's a spring of happiness. I am just saying that it scares me and not because I am irresponsible or unromantic but quite the opposite. I mean, I'm not one to tie cause-effect badly to the point I wear a tin-foil hat every time something seems out of place, but you know, as much as I don't want to get hurt, just like love, divorce is a two way street. There's much involved with a divorce. You either suffer because you realize, yeah, it's YOUR damn fault for the divorce, or if it's both your faults, but you hurt too much to work it out, that's really sad and not in a mocking way. It's truly heartbreaking. Oh, and if by some stroke of bad luck she weirds out on me and acts like a mancake, well, now that's really hurtful too. I don't see that happening even though I see it happening to other guys. I'm a bit different than those guys in an odd way. Just by nature, I'm a pain to the point she'd have to be a bit patient and really in love with me to marry me, and I am a bit more pleasant with beer and sex, but still a bit of a pain. I mean, gals either dumped me, made life rough for me, or whatnot because they weren't the right ones I suppose. Well, I suppose by now you're wondering when I'm going to muse about nature photography and whatnot. I'll get to that. I haven't been able to find work, bored, frustrated, sober, and having caffeine withdrawels. I'd club a baby harbor seal if blood didn't make me feel sick to my stomach. I hope you know I'm kidding. If you start crying you should stop watching movies about the arctic.

Well, anyhow, marriage isn't exactly an obsession but living in utah you can't avoid thinking about that anytime a female mentions relationships, flirts with you, texts you about sex, or has a conversation with you in IM, on the phone or whatever about relationships, sex, marriage, or anything that relates to it which it almost all does in one form or another, including politics and religion. Now you know why I like nature photography. It's not because I hate people either, but it's relaxing, like nature's symphony. No, I don't want to move to Montana, but I'd like to live near nature and near enough to a city so I can easily shop, get my car fixed or whatever. I'd to be near beer also. I don't have time to brew my own, and if it's 7-11 beer so be it. That's something. I even like Bud Lime, it's not bad really. I've had better beer, but hell, it's like eating Pizza Hut and then New York and swearing off Pizza Hut. I mean, ok, that's cool but is it necessary? Well, ok if you're in NY that's fine, but if your car breaks down in some podunk town are you going to avoid Pizza Hut because you swore it off? I dunno, maybe if you need money for repairs but hell, pizza is like sex. Even bad pizza is better than no sex. That's another thing though. It's hard for me to sleep around. I get attached, but I'm not needy. I'm not so overly romantic that if a gal is pretty experienced I think she's a slut. Hump who the hell you want, I don't care. I don't marry for mileage, I marry for love. If you want a virgin these days, good luck! Even most junior high and high school gals aren't virgins. I'm not even going to bother with them if they were. College? Same thing, and also adulthood. And if she's a virgin and not by choice and not by bad luck and she doesn't live where 99% of the guys are dirtbags, that's probably a good sign you shouldn't sleep with her either. It depends and I'm not trying to be mean but if she's super mean, a killer, eats bugs and lives in a treehouse in a public park, I don't think she's my type. Even if she's pretty darn cute, that kinda puts me off a little. Yeah, I've been told to "lower my standards" but they aren't standards defined by some rule book. I'm attracted to certain aspects initially and then chance, life, actions, me, the ambient light and temperature of the atmosphere, I dunno, shit happens. To me, when you fall in love it's not something you can pinpoint. The closest you'll come to pinpointing it, is something like hmm I could spend the rest of my life with this person. Oh, and you care more about their needs than your own. I don't mean you have to wait on them hand and foot, not at all. Love promotes dignity. It's love when they bring out the best in you, not the maid in you, or the wimpy nice guy. I mean, you know, you don't have to be casanova or miss universe with poise and beauty around this person 100% of the time, but they can't bring you down, you know? I'm pretty sure if I move closer to the ocean I'll find her. Something about the ocean is pretty cool, it's hard to explain. I've been to the ocean, and even if you just get that idea from seeing the ocean in a movie. So what? You get ideas from books right? So, if you learn that 4+4 = 8, and it comes from a book, does that make it wrong? Exactly. Some things in movies/media/books is fine, and other stuff is not, just like anywhere else like politics, life, work, and especially church. But you know, love should still be there even when you're not at your best. The marriage part that is right is for better or for worse but that's the visual thing, you wanna think positive. I have had that told to me enough times, by man and woman, when they were going through divorce, and not just parents, but friends too. I have faith, but I'm cautious and I worry about my future partner, where ever she may be. I know I'm not perfect. I'm not the ideal guy but I'm not bad either. I'm not crummy by far. I do have some pretty bad luck sometimes but I get through it. I'm not gonna slap my woman around, I'm not going to cheat, I'm not going to be a chauvinist, I've had people try to shove that down my throat and no thanks. And you know one good thing I learned in psych 101 is that we're born with a clean slate so to speak, this kind of behavior is learned, and the fact I didn't latch on to that crap is a sign I'm not such a bad guy. Maybe a bit of an smart ass, sometimes an asshole but not to the extreme, and those are by my definition, not what you typically hear used in every day practice.

I have to say I'm a bit nervous, I have friends I like, women I've cut off ties with cuz they were, hmm a pain? Some maybe a bit crazy? I've a couple of friends that want to, hmm hang out, and I'm willing, able but worried. They're good friends, but I get attached. I know it won't be a one night stand. I know what the onset of one looks like. It involves not alcohol but two people saying, hey, got hormones? We should swap stories/spit whatever. Alcohol makes it less likely sometimes, depends, that you'll have a successful one nighter. I must have been with really drunk gals but I've only been laid sober. Get them drunk, and it goes all over. Really. Either I hear about their ex's or they pass out or they get combative and I say, ok I"ll go, and then "where the F**k do you think you're going?" Yeah, but not all gals are like that. Alcohol affects people differently. Me, I chill out. Get mellow and relax. My grandpa was the same in Mexico. I heard stories where the daughters would only ask for money when he was drinking cuz he was more generous. I'm not generous but I relax with a drink or two. I don't really enjoy being drunk that much, especially with women around. I don't feel romantic, I just laugh and act like an ass, and even if I got laid I won't remember it. The closest to getting laid was walking with friends, guys and girls, in Cali, blasted out of my mind, not sure how I remember, I had to pee, couldn't wait so I say "wait here guys" and run up to a light pole and just pee... The gals said "oh dear Joey we've never seen this side of you before" and they're laughing.. the guys are laughing too but I can't remember what they said. I never got laid in high school. Alcohol makes no difference. I never got laid when sober. I've done crazier things sober actually than when I was drunk. I've actually done things that would kill some people, and not because I wanted to die, but for example, as kids we idolized evil kennevil. Yeah, so combine that with a tall levee, a mountain bike and a dumb kid without a helmet and I dunno how I lived. I've done lots of stuff like that since a kid, and I never drank until umm around 15 or 16. Didn't even try cigarettes until ummm around 17 or so and I hated it. I may have tried one or two puffs at around 4 but I don't think so. I remember being offered and I was all, uhhh no, that's kind of bad for you. I should get some sleep. I'll try and write about nature photography tomorrow. Scouts honor! lol